The AFCB Snootsworth Advent Calendar 2018

Snoots old bean, that has to be the best window that’s ever been opened on the Snootsworth Advent Calendar!

Top hole old chap - frightfully spiffing don’t cha’ know!








And you’ve now got that blooming song trapped in my head for the rest of the day :grinning:
 
Once again chums thank you for your kind remarks about those party songs.
The 12th day of our calendar and already halfway to Christmas.:thumbup::santa:
And Christmas is such a wonderful time for great news….and behind our window today we announce exclusive news.
At a considerable cut in cost and at a better value price The Dave Wells Partnership will now be building AFC Bournemouth’s new academy and training facilities close to the ground in erm Springbourne.
What fab news and we have a sneak preview of Wells’ project. These include…..

Luxurious changing rooms:

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Top of the range washroom and toileting facilities:

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A large number of all weather football pitches:

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A fully equipped gym with the latest equipment:

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Airy and modern classrooms for our academy youngsters to learn in:

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The future of the club is secure! Hoorah and Hizzah! :tophat:
 
It’s the 13th day of December chums.
Oh yes it is!
Oh no it’s not!
Oh yes it is!
Oh no it’s not!

Pantomime is a Christmas tradition and behind our window today we have some wonderful pantomimes.
Oh yes we have!

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Mother Moose:
This is all about an old lady who has a young son called Lys. Lys discovers a goose that lays golden kebabs. After running for all of three minutes the young lad, although totally out of puff, captures the goose and he and his family live happily ever after.

Sleeping Beauty:
A beautiful young wag is transported to the magical theatre of dreams. There she sees a team called Manchester United play football and this sends her to sleep for a hundred years.

Jack and the Beanstalk:
A cheery young lad called Jack Simpson searches desperately for a Premier League career after selling a cow (played by Elaine Findlay) for a few beans. He climbs a beanstalk (played by Tyrone Mings) and then comes across an irrational and opinionated fat giant (played by Willo). Jack escapes with a new three year contract and he and his family ermmm live happily ever after.

Puss in Boots:
In this one we follow the adventures of young Jordon Ibe who is put into a pair of football boots and asked to play for the first team. Watch him miss open goals, pass the ball to opposing players and lose possession. “He’s behind you!......JORDON HE’S BLOODY WELL BEHIND YOU!”

Cinderella:
Cinderella is a sweeper played by Simon Francis who stays too long on the ball and has to rush away in embarrassment. Because of lingering so long Simon loses possession of everything and his team look like a bunch of pumpkins. Some well known characters in this panto including Baron Hardup played by Jeff Mostyn. He is an old man who has little money but dreams up exciting projects doomed to failure such as new stadiums.
:tophat:
 
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The freezing f..f…f..ourteenth day of Advent…..however today’s window on our Advent Calendar will warm the cockles of your heart.
Today we look at the AFCB players’ Christmas deccies for this Yuletide season!:santa:

Firstly Simon Francis. Simon has a reputation for being a little slow but he certainly is committed to the cause. His handcrafted Christmas tree took him 6 months to make. Endless hours creating baubles and tinsel, his dramatic Christmas tree that took all that effort makes a striking ermmmm impression:

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Meanwhile Harry Arter’s tree in Welsh Wales shows our little tiger has lost none of his welcoming and good humoured wit:

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Junior Stanislas has combined a true love of his with his Christmas decorations and is taking no chances:

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The Moose has starred with his gorgeously meaty offering:

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Meanwhile our Ryan is obviously captivated by his efforts at Yuletide decoration:

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Artur Boruc’s Christmas looks as though it might go down well:

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Poor old Jordon, God love him, messed up a bit. Putting lit candles on your tree was not a good idea Jordon was it? You’ll have to try that little bit harder next time:

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And finally a Merry Christmas to our friends, neighbours and saviours at Southampton FC. Their stunning Christmas tree decorations outside St Mary’s Stadium beautifully sum up the character of this lovely South Coast Club:

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:tophat:
 
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What a wet, cold and windy nightmare yesterday was…truly a nightmare before Christmas.
Still onward and our 16th day on our cuddly Advent Calendar.
But hark, what is this behind our frosted window?


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An exam paper? Yes chums. At this time of year students are having to take exams….and I have managed to get hold of some of the multiple choice questions from the AFCB JCL (Johnny Come Lately) exam. All JCL’s must pass this to show their knowledge of our wonderful club. Here are some of the questions I have managed to sneak to you….

3. Simon Francis’s average time for turning on the ball is:
A. 15 minutes
B. 67 minutes
C. 3 weeks
D. Simon Francis turning on the ball is in fact scientifically impossible

8. Steve Fletcher is:
A. A well known bodybuilder
B. A well loved club legend
C. A wardrobe
D. A brand of hair gel

9. Jordon Ibe is given the ball in plenty of space, does he:
A. Lose it
B. Lose it
C. Lose it
D. Lose it

17. The nickname of AFCB is:
A. The Cherries
B. The Anterior Cruciate Ligaments
C. The Mings
D. AFCB don’t have a nickname as funds at the club have to be spent on other priorities.

18. After having bought cup tickets online from the club, you:
A. Need counselling
B. Have no computer as you have smashed the bloody buggering thing up.
C. Are very old
D. Are ticketless

33. AFCB are most famously known for:
A. Queues
B. Football
C. Injuries
D. Moaners

49. The Vitality Stadium is traditionally known as:
A. Dean Court
B. Dean Windass
C. “The Dean and I” by 10cc
D. That place where I get my prawn sandwiches and a glass of wine, sit in my box and pretend I’ve been supporting the club for years…..
:tophat:
PS....the calendar might be a tad late tomorrow chums as I’m travelling to deepest darkest Devon.
 
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9. Jason Ibe is given the ball in plenty of space, does he:
A. Lose it
B. Lose it
C. Lose it
D. Lose it

Very droll as usual m'lud. Do I get a bonus point for spotting your deliberate mistake here ? Jordon = Jason ?
:gent:
I do hope your lordship is up to date with all vaccinations if venturing so far yonder of these parts. Please check with your private physician before departing. We would hate to lose you to devonian plague or some such !
 

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