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I have three brothers in their seventies,Mick,Nick and Don.Mick and Nick take viagra but it’s none for are Don.

I was on my bungalow roof today clearing the moss away.I needed a poo but couldn’t be bothered to go down the ladder so I did it there and then.I told my missus about it when I came down and she isn’t talking to me.Has anyone got any advice on how i can wipe the slate clean.

I’ve just seen Gary O‘Neil speeding in his car around Kings Park.I said what are you doing,he replied,I’ll do anything to get three points.

Pete and Nobby go into a bakery,where Nobby steals three iced buns and hides them in his pocket.That is simple theft says Pete,watch me do some magic stealing.He says to the baker can you put three iced buns on the counter.He then eats them one by one and the baker demands the money for them.I...

Dyslexic terrorists have stormed Marwell Park Zoo and taken several ostriches

Midwife for sale.Can deliver

Just finished reading a book on Reverse Psychology,OR HAVE I……

What do we want? A cure for procrastination. When do we want it? Tomorrow.

I went to a gamblers anonymous meeting today.I ended up with sore ribs as the bloke sat next to me was a fruit machine addict,and the sod kept nudging me.

It’s a little known fact that Steffi Graf had a sister called Polly,I’m not lying

The transgender weightlifter has failed at the Olympics,no snatch

I was driving through France when a cyclist wearing a yellow jersey overtook me.He was riding fast and was sweating.I noticed he was being chased by another group of cyclists who were shouting at him,calling him a ****************,bitch and tosser.Then I realised it was the Tourette's de France week

I can't believe someone has 1.27 centimetred my Joke about Cockney rhyming slang and the metric system

When the kids are at school I start to drink.Does this make me a bad teacher?

I caught my penis in my zip today,that's the last time I wear those zip up boots

My dyslexia group and I visited the maritime museum,half of us loved it and half of us hated it

My mate Dave,who is dyslexic,is a massive fan of eighties band ABC.In fact he has all of DEF leppards albums.

Does anyone have a cure for my sex addiction?I have tried fcuking everything

I am looking for a house to buy in Reading,nothing too flash,two up two down

I said to my neighbour,who is head groundsman at Old Trafford,"the pitch looks immaculate".He replied,"it should do as millions of pounds of shite goes on it every other week".