Fat Lady Poised at Microphone
All my headline writing days I had wanted us to beat Newcastle 5-0, Hawaii 50, waye-aye 5-0.... it's just too delicious....sat there waiting - every cliched, tired, chain-smoking sub editors dream. I didn't really want it to be the other way round for obvious reasons but when at 0-4 down Andy Carroll smashed that drive goalwards….. part of me thought.... go on, what's the harm....
Such is the pain of supporting Bournemouth these days - searching for little glimmers of humour as the team chases average opponents around the pitch. Today this was Newcastle, a team with the stat of the least possession in the Premier League this season (the only surprise to this stat being how they have snatched it from us) but today keeping the ball like the Ajax of Cruyff playing Plymouth. 'You know you are bad when the St Johns Ambulance brigade boo you off' - was my West Country Uncles favourite comment on a poor Argyle performance - and I thought of him as the players passed the medical volunteers on their way to the changing room.
I appear to be in the habit of keeping match reports short - apologies for those that love line by line detail of action...… We looked ok for three minutes, let's give credit where it's due, but then Lerma, who has gradually been dragged down the midfield scale from Yaya Toure to Dan Gosling as he assimilates, had a brain-fart, trod on the ball and GAYLE was put away to score with aplomb. Up came all the self-prophesizing stats about our ability to come back and we didn't disappoint the Sky number-geeks. The response was poor with the team so stretched in formation and all the passes coming at long distance and easily intercepted.
Newcastle - particularly with Saint Maximin (I'm sure I went on a French holiday there once) on fire looked the more likely to score and did when he wriggled past Brooks and Smith far too easily and pulled back for Longstaff to blast home. Our heads dropped and the players played out until half time with no shots on target for the third first half in a row. That would be a worrying stat normally but now it's way down the list.
HT Bournemouth 0 Newcastle 2
The second half saw Cook on for Billing as our player roulette spun again in hope of finding one on form. We will watch the reverse of this at half time Saturday mark my words. Solanke briefly threatened with a run and shot that deflected onto the post for King to net from an offside position
AlMIRON (I'm sure I've been there on a Spanish holiday once) had arrived as a sub but was made to feel very welcome by our defence as he advanced into acres of space and curled cleverly home. This sparked zero reaction from Bournemouth, predictably now devoid of any confidence and playing through the motions knowing Newcastle were unlikely to bust a gut.
Eddie rolled the dice a few more times with Stanislas, Wilson, Gosling and Mepham all appearing but no Surridge which is a surprise as he has scored frequently this season at a decent level and while he wouldn't have rescued the game would have got minutes. The play was still so sloppy though and Newcastle added a fourth when LAZARO (I've definitely been there on holiday) got in on the left far too easily to finish across Ramsdale. Haydn (astonishingly) and them Carroll missed the chance to give me that headline.
Bournemouth had a late flurry, hit the bar with a great effort from Brooks and finally got a shot on target (that's two in three games folks!) when GOSLING converted Ake's header for a late goal that was the definition of 'consolation'
FT Bournemouth 1 Newcastle 4
Ramsdale 3 - could have got closer to a few of those I thought.
Smith 3 - taken apart by Saint-Max and looked shot.
Cook 3 - too much space behind him for two goals and hooked.
Ake 4 - 'what am I doing here'
Kelly 4 - defensively alright when compared to other side of pitch
Brooks 4 - odd bright moment but not covering Smith
Lerma 3- wondering what Spanish club will rescue him
Billing 3 - all over the place defensively and poor control
Danjuma 3 - looks out of place - bad timing coming this year.
King 3 - Who can I nutmeg? playing for himself.
Solanke 4 - Clearly not Premier level but tried hard and hit post.
MOM - Help me out here. Let's go Brooks?
Verdict
We learned nothing from this game we didn't already know and once again despite a formation and personnel change there were no significant changes to the style of play despite a week's break.
I am bored writing the same things every verdict but DJ and Vitals like a record of each match for the archives so here we go again.
1) We know that when we play three in the centre of midfield we are poor and when we play two we are appalling so why did we return to two for such a key game? Newcastle never control games of football.
2) Whatever the formation we have to play higher up the pitch and more compact so the players can inter-play and move forwards and backwards together. In every attacking phase we look like we are breaking and in every defensive phase we look caught out.... that's just dreadful set up. Only one of those should ever look true of a team.
3) We chop and change the team constantly. We should know by now the players are not the issue here. If you want proof of that look what we have turned Lerma into. Our solution is always the player not playing. It's ridiculous.
4) Our full backs have to push up and the forwards have to get in the box. Two shots on target in three games is just incredible.
5) All confidence is now gone so maybe play the players that don't play much and see if they are equally effected.
One glimmer of hope. We are still in there with a chance and sometimes you need a hammering to get stuff out of the system. There will be some sort of reaction from today i'm sure... hopefully from Eddie.
Watching the demise of a loved one is a tough thing as many will know from real life. Some people choose to sit by the bed until the last bleep of a monitor. Some choose to go and sit in a pub or park and remember them in their prime. I will be doing the former. I don't blame anyone for doing the latter.
