Sunday joke

[stanthevan]

I asked the librarian if she knew of any author who wrote dinosaur novels.

She said “ try Sarah Topps”.

 

[SeafrontSupporter]

I asked her if they had any new books on dealing with constipation, but apparently nothing's been released for a while.

 

[SlowDownDerek]

I couldn't believe it when I found out they'd opened a library just round the corner from my house; they kept that quiet.

 

[SeafrontSupporter]

I went to that new library near you...stole a book called "Curing Alopecia - help for unlucky kleptomaniacs".

Got it home and all the pages fell out.

 

[Hillviewred]

I heard they found a bomb behind Boscombe library,I couldn't believe it,there's a library in Boscombe

 

[Winsor Cherry]

I read a book last night on anti gravity it was really hard to put down.

 

[SlowDownDerek]

A bloke walked into my local library and chopped the bottom off one of his trouser legs and put it straight in the returns section. That was a turn up for the books.

 

[BillMcgarrycherry]

Old Farmer Jones was walking across through the marketplace in Merthyr when he spotted his old mate Old Farmer Williams.
Old Farmer Willams likewise picked him out.
When they met in the middle....it was neither of them!

 

[SeafrontSupporter]

I asked the librarian where I could find any books on Michael Jackson.

"Over there in the children's section, ages 8-9" she said. "But you can only have them overnight".

 

[stanthevan]

I asked a policeman the quickest way to the library. He said “are you walking or driving?” I said “driving”. He said “yeah that’s definitely the quickest way”.

 

[Ken Baileys Ghost]

I went to my local library yesterday, and said "I'm looking for a book on handling rejection without killing?”


... do you have it?

 

[SlowDownDerek]

I asked my librarian if they had any books on childbirth, specifically in high risk situations. She said C-section.

 

[SeafrontSupporter]

I asked her if they had any books on how to deal with aggression in the workplace.
She pointed towards one corner of the library.

Trying to narrow it down a bit, I said "OK, near the window, or aisle?"

"Or you'll do what?..."

 

[danstarr]

I got run over by a mobile library once. As I screamed in agony, the driver got out, walked over to me and went: "Shhhhhhhh".

 

[GaryRB]

All these poor library jokes on a football forum, some of you deserve a booking

 

[BillMcgarrycherry]

A Windy Morning on Saints training pitch; a young player who has been injured for 3 months trots out on the turf before the others, keen as mustard.
Two minutes later, runs back to dressing room, screaming, sobbing hysterically into the arms of Redmond! His tears mingling with Nats make -up and beard Mascara!

"Whatever is wrong laddie ? "

" Uncle Nathan....ALIENS!! Oooh ! Horrible Scary Round Fings moving round the pitch! Dem fings ! Theyre gonna get me!

" Oh poor Laddie calm down ..thems only the Balls.....the New Gaffer brought them in with him back along when he took over....you' ll have to get accustomed to them!

"Ok then Uncle Nathan... but do I need to touch dem if I get picked against dat Bormuff next munf ? "

"Nay worries laddie..........we just let dat Bormuffs play around wiv it for 98 minutes , make us look stoopid ... then when you come on ..just poke it past the Pole and Bobs yer Uncle ..youv'e got the winner!"

"But...But I thought you was my Uncle"