Friday Joke

[Hillviewred]

I can't believe someone has 1.27 centimetred my Joke about Cockney rhyming slang and the metric system

 

[Hillviewred]

A hammock salesman phoned me and tried selling me a hammock.I didn't want one,but I still bought it as I am easily swayed

 

[Hillviewred]

Isla St Clair,the hostess from The Golden Shot,married the singer Barry White,divorced him,the married the singer,Bryan Ferry.She is now known as Isla White Ferry

 

[Hillviewred]

My mate Dave has three flats he rents out.He said one of his tenants was complaining that the flat was so small she couldn't swing a cat in it.So he said he bought her a kitten

 

[New Old Cherry]

Parker the Football Manager is walking around DC carpark looking perplexed...he can't find the complimentary Thunderbird that Eddie used. Lady Finnelopy sticks her head out the window and tells him Eddie burned it out and the engines f√cked...
.." Oh f√ck it then I'm not signing.. If I can't have all the Perks - blinkin' Tinpot this !".
He then jumps on his E- Scooter with his Manbag and whizzes off back to London!

 

[Garbo]

I have just lost my job in the bank after a woman asked me to check her balance, and I pushed her over!

My girlfriend accused me of cheating on her....I said that you are starting to sound like my wife.

 

[table]

My girlfriend accused me of cheating on her....I said that you are starting to sound like my wife.

You are a Tory minister and I claim my £3 million PPE contract : )

 

[tucktoncherry]

 

[tucktoncherry]

 

[thegazzyb]

View attachment 5942

Ahhhh ! Reminds me of my childhood weekends when Dad would decide to try to sort something on the car !

 

[afcb_rednblack]

My doctor wrote me a prescription for Daily sex.

My wife insists it's for Dyslexia.

 

[afcb_rednblack]

When my wife found out that I'd replaced the waterbed with a trampoline, she hit the roof.

 

[Garbo]

The Doctor told me I was obese....I said thanks Doc as if I haven't got enough on my plate already!

 

[Garbo]

...went on an 18-30 holiday once...great time but 12 years is a bit long

 

[EasternRed]

Off duty policeman goes to a pub with his cocker spaniel. The sign says No dogs allowed only service dogs.
He goes in and the barman says: No dogs allowed sorry.
The cop replies: He's a police dog.
Barman says: He's a cocker spaniel.
Cop says: He's in plain clothes.

 

[EasternRed]

I completely misunderstood ‘Pride’ month. Does anyone out there want to buy 15 lions?

 

[AlGard]

I visited the birthplace of the man who invented the toothbrush.
There’s no plaque.