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UTC Legend
Boscombe West Storm Appeal - please read
A major storm with winds measuring up to 100mph hit Boscombe West on Friday Feb 18th 2022. Christchurch Road was badly hit.
Victims were seen wandering around aimlessly muttering 'forfucksake'.
The high winds decimated the area causing almost £30.00 worth of damage.
Several priceless collections of mementos from Weymouth and the Costa del Sol were damaged beyond repair. Three areas of historic burnt out cars were disturbed.
Many locals were woken before their gyro's arrived.
A local radio DJ from Derby Road FM, and his giggling friend Liza (“with an S”), reported that hundreds of resident's were trying to come to terms with the fact that something interesting had happened in Boscombe West.
One resident, Tracy Lloyd, a 15-year old mother of 5 said, 'It was such a shock, my little Chardonnay-Mercedes came running into my bedroom crying. My youngest two, Tyler-Morgan and Victoria-Storm slept through it all because they had a skinfull earlier that night”.
Apparently looting, muggings and car crime were unaffected and carried on as normal.
The British Red Cross has managed to ship 4,000 crates of lager and sunny delight to the area to help the stricken locals. Rescue workers are still searching through the rubble and have found large quantities of personal belongings including benefit books, jewellery from Elizabeth Duke at Argos and bone china from the Poundshop.
HOW CAN YOU HELP?
This appeal is to raise money for food and clothing, parcels for those unfortunate enough to be caught up in this disaster.
Clothing is most sought after - items needed most include:
Fila or Burberry baseball caps, Kappa tracksuit tops (his and hers), shell suits (female) White sports socks, Rockport boots and any other items usually sold in Tesco's or Asda.
Food parcels may be harder to come by, but are needed all the same. Required foodstuffs include: microwave meals, tins of baked beans, ice cream, cans of Tennents Super or Strongbow Dark Fruits.
22p buys a biro for filling in the compensation forms.
£5.50 buys chips, crisps and a blue fizzy drink for a family of 9.
£10.00 buys a packet of fags and a lighter to calm the nerves of those affected.
£15.00 buys a wrap of crack to help those really disturbed.
***BREAKING NEWS***
Rescue workers have found a 12 year old girl in the rubble smothered in raspberry alco-pop.
'Where are you from?' they asked. “Kinson” said the girl, “but what the f•cks that got to do with you”.
A major storm with winds measuring up to 100mph hit Boscombe West on Friday Feb 18th 2022. Christchurch Road was badly hit.
Victims were seen wandering around aimlessly muttering 'forfucksake'.
The high winds decimated the area causing almost £30.00 worth of damage.
Several priceless collections of mementos from Weymouth and the Costa del Sol were damaged beyond repair. Three areas of historic burnt out cars were disturbed.
Many locals were woken before their gyro's arrived.
A local radio DJ from Derby Road FM, and his giggling friend Liza (“with an S”), reported that hundreds of resident's were trying to come to terms with the fact that something interesting had happened in Boscombe West.
One resident, Tracy Lloyd, a 15-year old mother of 5 said, 'It was such a shock, my little Chardonnay-Mercedes came running into my bedroom crying. My youngest two, Tyler-Morgan and Victoria-Storm slept through it all because they had a skinfull earlier that night”.
Apparently looting, muggings and car crime were unaffected and carried on as normal.
The British Red Cross has managed to ship 4,000 crates of lager and sunny delight to the area to help the stricken locals. Rescue workers are still searching through the rubble and have found large quantities of personal belongings including benefit books, jewellery from Elizabeth Duke at Argos and bone china from the Poundshop.
HOW CAN YOU HELP?
This appeal is to raise money for food and clothing, parcels for those unfortunate enough to be caught up in this disaster.
Clothing is most sought after - items needed most include:
Fila or Burberry baseball caps, Kappa tracksuit tops (his and hers), shell suits (female) White sports socks, Rockport boots and any other items usually sold in Tesco's or Asda.
Food parcels may be harder to come by, but are needed all the same. Required foodstuffs include: microwave meals, tins of baked beans, ice cream, cans of Tennents Super or Strongbow Dark Fruits.
22p buys a biro for filling in the compensation forms.
£5.50 buys chips, crisps and a blue fizzy drink for a family of 9.
£10.00 buys a packet of fags and a lighter to calm the nerves of those affected.
£15.00 buys a wrap of crack to help those really disturbed.
***BREAKING NEWS***
Rescue workers have found a 12 year old girl in the rubble smothered in raspberry alco-pop.
'Where are you from?' they asked. “Kinson” said the girl, “but what the f•cks that got to do with you”.
