Sunday Laugh

Reality and Realism said:
Paddy applies for a job at a Blacksmiths. During the interview the Blacksmith asked Paddy if he had ever shoed a horse before. Paddy replies "No. But I once told a donkey to f/uck off"!
Click to expand...
Paddy applies for a general assistant job in the warehouse. Foreman interviewing him says ‘can you make a cup of tea’, Paddy replies yes. Foreman says ‘can you drive a forklift’ Paddy says ‘Jesus, how big is your fucking kettle’….
 
I was sitting at home this morning when a policeman knocked on my door.
He said to me.
"Sorry to bother you sir, but have you got a photo of your wife" ??
I showed him the photo, and he said in a very sad voice.
"I'm so sorry sir, but it looks like your wife's been hit by a bus"
I said - "I know, but she's got a great personality, and she's a wonderful mum" ...!!
 
Bloke checks into a Blackpool b and b and asks what the breakfast is. Landlady tells him it’s a proper full English…

Bloke says can I swap out the eggs for extra baked beans

‘Yeah no problem’

Actually can I swap out the bacon for extra baked beans

‘Yeah no problem’

Can I also swap out the mushrooms and tomato for extra baked beans

‘Yeah… do you just want a big bowl of Baked beans with toast’

Yes… but swap the toast for extra baked beans…

The bloke eats his breakfast the next morning and leaves. At 11pm that night he still hasn’t checked back in and there is a knock on the door. The landlady opens it to a policeman holding a photo of the bloke. ‘Is this chap staying here’… ‘yes’…. The policeman takes a deep breath ‘I regret to inform you that he jumped off the North pier this afternoon with a concrete block chained to his leg. Did he seem in any distress at all?’

‘No’ said the landlady… ‘I’m really surprised’

‘He was full of beans when he waved goodbye’
 
Paddy goes to a faith healing seminar. Later, his mate asked him how it went. Paddy replied - It was absolute crap. I am never going again!. It was so bad that even a bloke who was permanently in a wheel chair got up and walked out!
 
A parish priest in Glasgow hired a local man to paint the front of his church. The painter to squeeze a little more profit watered the paint down and completed the job.
All was well until heavy rain washed the paint from wall. When the parish priest met up with the painter they sorted out they problem and the priest told him to repaint and thin no more.
 
Two Irishmen walk into a pet shop. they go over to the bird section. Gerry says to Paddy, That's them! The owner comes over and asks if he can help them. Yeah, we'll take four of them birds in that cage up there Put them in a paper bag.
The owner does this and the two men pay for the birds and leave the shop. They get into Gerry's van and drive until they are high up in the hills and stop at the top of a cliff with a 500-foot drop. This looks like a grand place, eh? says Gerry.
Oh, yeah, this looks good replies Paddy.
They flip a coin and Gerry wins the toss. I guess I git to go first, eh Paddy? says Gerry. He then takes two birds out of the bag, places them on his shoulders and jumps off the cliff. Paddy watches as his mate drops off the edge and goes straight down for a few seconds, followed by a ‘SPLAT'.
As Paddy looks over the edge of the cliff he shakes his head and says, Screw that, this budgie jumping' is too dangerous for me
 
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