The Snootsworth AFCB Advent Calendar 2022

It’s still freezing outside but come…let us open our 15th Advent window and enter into some Yuletide warmth!
Yesterday Richard Hughes & Neill Blake, our recruitment directors, invited me to a special Christmas meal cooked by themselves in their own inimitable style.
What an honour!
First course was the fresh fruit starter.
They did probably leave it standing for perhaps too long a time:

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They spent absolutely ages and ages cooking the traditional roast turkey dinner and because of this you could say it was well done:

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Finally my ice cream dessert suggested they may not have particularly hurried getting this dish to the table:

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:eek!:
 
Santa is getting his presents ready so we must hurry along with our Advent Calendar! :santa:
Lets open our 16th window.
Sadly at Christmas time we lose touch with relatives and friends.
The festive season is always a good time to make a fresh appeal for those who have mysteriously disappeared or vanished altogether.
So today I appeal to you to just look at these pictures and if you have any information about these men or even just a sighting of them, please inform the police or relevant authorities:

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Jamal known as ‘Jammy’ to his friends has been spotted recently in the goalmouth in a game against Everton. He has recently been quite depressed and has mentioned travelling to another part of the country.

Emiliano likes to dress up like his hero Mohamad Salah. He even sports a similar hairstyle to his hero. Recently he has been photographed modelling lots of new sports gear.
Sightings of Emiliano have been rare although he has been spotted running up and down certain touch lines all around the country.

James, also known as Hilly, is an extremely young and vulnerable lad. Lured to Bournemouth by dreams of wealth and fame he has disappeared completely. He has a caring disposition but is thought to have lost his bearings near the King’s Park area and hasn’t been since.

Siriki is a happy go lucky individual who lives life at a fast pace. He has been spotted recently but hasn’t resurfaced. Siriki has got links with Turkey and at one stage suggested he might be heading out that way. Approach with care as he is prone to the odd outburst.

Remember if you see any of these men, do the right thing and report your sighting to the relevant authorities.
You might just make someone’s Christmas by doing so. :)
 
Barely one more week to Christmas!
And as we open our frosted Advent Calendar for today, we see this:

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Yes it’s the annual AFCB Christmas Carol Concert featuring some of your favourite Cherries Yuletide hymns plus a couple of World Cup tinselled tunes.
So open up your mouths and sing along!

DING DONG MERRILY ON HIGH!
Ding-dong! Merrily on high
in Qatar the balls are ringing.
Ding-dong! Penalties are high
And Harry Kane is singing:
Glorrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrria , hosanna I am useless!
:santa:
LITTLE DRUMMER BOY.
Come they told me
A scummer scum scum
A useless team to see
A scummer scum scum
You are so dull we scream
A scummer scum scum
A crap Southampton team
A scummer scum scum
Scummer scum scum
Scummer scum scum
:santa:
GOOD KING WENCESLAS LOOKED OUT.
Good King David Becks looked out
On the Feast of Stephen
Migrant workers lay about
Dead and cold and even
Brightly shone Qatar that night
Though the work was cruel
Migrant workers came in sight
Rich David looked so coooool
:santa:
JOY TO THE WORLD
Joy to The world! Bill Foley has come
Let Bournemouth receive its King
Let ev'ry wallet prepare him room
And all The Cherries yell Ka Ching!
And all The Cherries yell Ka Ching!
And alllllll The Cherriessssss yell Ka Ching!
:santa:
THE HOLLY AND THE IVY.
The Jordan and the Jaidon
They now are both full grown,
Of all players that are in the team,
Young Zemura bears the crown:
O, the passing of the football
And the running down the wing
Jaidon Anthony and Zemura
Make the crowd yell out and sing!
:santa:
AWAY IN A MANGER.
Away in Newcastle
No brains in his head
The little Ryan Fraser
Laid down His sweet head

The Fans in The North Stand
Looked down where He lay
The little Ryan Fraser
Asleep on the hay

Us Cherries are booing
The poor Ryan awakes
But little Lord Ryan
No crying He makes

I hate Thee, Lord Ryan
I do think you’re a dick
So just go back to sleep mate
Cos you’re making me sick
:santa:
WHILE SHEPHERDS WATCHED THEIR FLOCKS AT NIGHT.
While Cherries watched their flocks by night
All seated on the ground
The angel Richard Hughes came down
And glory shone around

“Fear not", said he, for mighty dread
Had seized their troubled mind
"Glad tidings of great joy I bring
To you and all mankind"

“To you, in Bournemouth town this day
I have signed a striker fine
The Saviour who is Kieffer Moore
And this shall be the sign"

The heavenly Welsh man you shall find
To human view displayed
Just heading balls and scoring goals
A super transfer made!

:tophat:
 
A masterpiece. Even Bernie Taupin would struggle to come up with stuff as good as this! Have you thought of having a festive tilt at the Xmas No1??
 
Our 18th Advent window:
And we’ve pulled a cracker today…because it’s time for another spiffing tale of derring do at Dean Court School for Boys!

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The Christmas term for the chaps at Dean Court School For Boys was dashed eventful it has to be said.
It all began one dark evening with Mr Parker marking the Upper Fifth’s English homework.
Zemura’s composition was rushed, as if the words had raced out of his pen and gone in different directions.
Travers’ work lacked confidence, whilst Lerma’s efforts looked as though he could only string a few words together and they were remarkably rude as well.
Mr Parker was jolly well fuming when he greeted the boys the next morning.
‘I say’ said Smithy ‘Old Parks looks decidedly angry chaps!’
‘You bounders are useless, illiterate and can’t spell for toffee. You’re a bunch of clots. I’ve been painting white stripes on my gown every time I receive bad homework from you cretins…and now look at me…I resemble a veritable zebra. This class is full of idiots!’
And with that he stormed off to The Headteachers’ Office screeching, ‘You silly useless blighters!!!!’
The boys were crestfallen.
Solly Solanke wept openly. ‘He think’s we’re buffoons.’
But Bruiser Pearson kept a stiff upper lip.
‘Stop mithering Solly,’ he said, ‘I’ve a right mind to hit the old duffer!’
‘You mustn’t do that Bruiser,’ said Kelly the head boy, ‘You’ll be sent to the Remove on detention and we need you for the upcoming game of footie against Scumsdale.’
Scumsdale were Dean Court School’s bitter rivals and the annual Christmas soccer match was always a highly important affair.

Late in the afternoon, just before Prep, the boys were called into the school hall by Mr Mostyn the Headteacher
He imparted two pieces of news:
Firstly Mr Parker had been asked to leave.
A muffled cheer could be heard at the back of the hall.
And secondly he told the boys the school was to have a new Chair of Trustees. A rich American millionaire called Mr Foley who would be coming over to see them after the Scumsdale match to wish them Yuletide greetings.
‘By Jove! Can you believe it?’ gasped Marcondes Major, ‘A yank millionaire here at Dean Court.’
And with that Marcondes, known to the boys as Houdini, vanished into thin air as he always seemed to do.
‘But who’s going to be our Form Master?’ asked Jock Christie in his gentle Scottish brogue that none of the chaps could understand.

It turned out the boys were given a supply teacher to take on the role of their Form Master until a permanent choice could be made.
He was a shy, bearded cove and was immediately liked by the Upper Fifth.
Mr O’Neil or ‘Beardy’ as he was known by the boys was a decent salt and a dashed good teacher and their work began to improve.
However the footie match against Scumsdale beckoned.
The boys were initially trained by Mr Hughes and Mr Blake, two doddery old masters who were slower than Methuselah.
The boys were frustrated and finally persuaded Beardy O’Neil to take over.

Come the day of the match old Beardy looked jolly confident and smiled at the chaps in their spruced up football kits.
‘Crikey Boys, this is it! Think of your parents and His Majesty The King. You are doing this for them,’ he rallied.
He then sent the boys into battle with a hearty hoorah…and the game began.
Ninety minutes later the boys strode off the pitch triumphant.
Scumsdale thrashed 3-0 with the only bad news being that young Stanislas had to be sent to matron with a nose bleed.

The boys returned to their dorm jolly well delighted.
And waiting for them there was the new mysterious American Chair of Trustees, Mr Foley.
‘Happy Christmas! Gee you guys blew me away!’
The boys looked at each other.
‘What on earth is he going on about?’ whispered Smithy.
‘Congratulations on a great win,’ beamed Mr Foley, ‘Oh and I’ve appointed Mr O’Neil as your permanent Form Master.’
‘Jolly good show!’ cheered the boys.
‘And because of your great win today I’m giving you as much tuck and gingerade as you want!’
Crikey, the boys thoughtMr Foley genuinely must be loaded but they didn’t ponder to think about this as they enjoyed a feast in their dorm that night.

Outside in the moonlit darkness of the quad, Mr Mostyn the beloved old headmaster sadly turned round to his trusty caretaker Fletch.
‘Times are going to change with Mr Foley in charge of the trustees. I wonder what’s going to become of old fashioned chaps like ourselves?’
And with that the two old timers retired to Mr Mostyn’s study to share some Christmas cheer and a sherry with a mince pie.
:tophat:
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