Thursday Joke

[Steady Eddie 1]

So, I was in the chemist and I said to the assistant, "What gets rid of coronavirus?”
She said, "Ammonia cleaner."
I said, "Oh sorry, I thought you worked here!"

 

[tucktoncherry]

Virgin media!

 

[DartGuru]

Virgin media!

?
Issues?
I currently have no BB

 

[tucktoncherry]

VIRGIN Media and Sky customers are reporting issues across Dorset this morning.


A number of customers have taken to Twitter to report issues with their broadband connection overnight.


Service checker websites say Bournemouth and Southampton are among the most reported locations for issues within the past 24 hours.

@Bournemouthecho seems like loads of people’s virgin broadband is down! I’ve not received a response from them... heard anything?
— Adam (@Growlingadam) March 5, 2020​

Datacenta Hosting, which specialises in website and server hosting for Dorset businesses, said on Twitter at 1.23am this morning: "Just before midnight we received reports of a large #virginmedia outage which also impacts Ethernet services in this area. We understand engineering teams are investigating the matter."


In an update this morning at 6.50am, the company said: "Virgin Media outage update: 11 Tubes on the 160 fibre are carrying traffic and they are currently prepping the 96 fibre in place for the original change to move service across to and should be completed at 07:00. Once prepping is complete splicing can begin."



Meanwhile Sky has reported that customers across the South East of England and the Isle of Wight may not be able to get online or make or receive calls.


Virgin Media have been contacted for details.

NEW: South East England & Isle of Wight
Customers may not be able to get online or make/receive calls. You can keep up to date on the My Sky App or via our service status page here: https://t.co/1y990sBoLg
— Sky Help Team (@SkyHelpTeam) March 5, 2020​

Last month Virgin Media customers faced around five hours of issues with TV services during the Six Nations rugby union clash between England and Ireland.


More follows.

https://www.bournemouthecho.co.uk/n...tomers-report-broadband-outage-across-dorset/


You can use mobile data by tethering your PC/tablet as a hotspot.

 

[retro red]

The Innuendo Society has reported a huge rise with its members.

 

[Hillviewred]

Dave,my mate,was such a prolific thief,he took three lie detectors.We sold two on gumtree and one we kept

 

[afcb_rednblack]

I remember a time when life was so tough I couldn't even afford to pay the electricity bill.

Those were the darkest days of my life.

 

[afcb_rednblack]

My wife hated my impulse purchase of a revolving chair.

Then she sat it in it and eventually she came round.

 

[Hillviewred]

I never forget that time I forgot my p e kit at school,and had to do it in my underwear.Was embarrassing and ended my teaching career

 

[afcb_rednblack]

"Welcome to the Plastic Surgery Addicts convention...

...it's so good to see so many new faces here today..."

 

[SlowDownDerek]

I was in the Post Office this morning when two blokes came in wearing masks. Everyone was absolutely bricking it then one shouted "this is a robbery!"... What a relief!

 

[Garbo]

Teacher said to me " Name a something that begins with the letter N that you are not good at"

I replied " Spelling"

 

[DW313]

 

[tucktoncherry]

 

[Cirotis]

The Innuendo Society has reported a huge rise with its members.

I thought innuendo was Italian for suppository

 

[EasternRed]

 

[Sweetcherrity]

The children were lined up in the cafe of a school for lunch.

At the head of the table was a large pile of apples.

The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray, “Take only one. God is watching.”

Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies.

One child whispered to another, “Take all you want ..........

God is watching the apples."