We need more rules

Neil Dawson

Neil Dawson

UTC Legend
We need a list of things to ban. It’s getting ridiculous now the vagueness of going to football. Society needs strict rules to function. Can i suggest instant ejection and a season ban for:

Flatulence

Not singing our kings anthem.

Bringing a hand written A4 sheet unless you are under ten and it says Lerma can I have your shirt.

Refusing to participate when they turn the volume down in Sweet Caroline, Hey Jude or whatever this weeks attempt to recreate Anfield or Hillsborough is.( that’s a point we haven’t tried Hi Ho AFC Bournemouth yet… must suggest to club)

Booing anything at all unless it’s people taking the knee which is totally acceptable as all lives matter blah blah.
.
Leaving early to beat the traffic

Flares. The boat in distress kind as opposed to people that still play Santana albums trousers.

Standing up. Unless to go and empty a bladder, bowel or colostomy bag.

The taking of any mind altering substance apart from Madri or Werthers Originals.

Giving your ticket to a mate who is a fan of the opposition when you are in Benidorm on holiday and forgetting to tell him not to try and start a conga when his team heads in a last minute winner from a set piece.

Did I mention flatulence?

What have I missed? Compile a list and I will send to Jim so we can create a fans constitution.
 
Neil Dawson said:
We need a list of things to ban. It’s getting ridiculous now the vagueness of going to football. Society needs strict rules to function. Can i suggest instant ejection and a season ban for:

Flatulence

Not singing our kings anthem.

Bringing a hand written A4 sheet unless you are under ten and it says Lerma can I have your shirt.

Refusing to participate when they turn the volume down in Sweet Caroline, Hey Jude or whatever this weeks attempt to recreate Anfield or Hillsborough is.( that’s a point we haven’t tried Hi Ho AFC Bournemouth yet… must suggest to club)

Booing anything at all unless it’s people taking the knee which is totally acceptable as all lives matter blah blah.
.
Leaving early to beat the traffic

Flares. The boat in distress kind as opposed to people that still play Santana albums trousers.

Standing up. Unless to go and empty a bladder, bowel or colostomy bag.

The taking of any mind altering substance apart from Madri or Werthers Originals.

Did I mention flatulence?

What have I missed? Compile a list and I will send to Jim so we can create a fans constitution.
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Not quoting posts that are older than x amount of days?

(x currently undefined)
 
I'm not too bothered by folk leaving early, but stopping in front of those that want to stay and watch should be a ban.

Obviously, in these circumstances sarcasm at the stationary standing t055er is DEFINITELY acceptable, if not compulsory.

Please don't ban sarcasm...
 
TrevorMorganFanClub said:
I'm not too bothered by folk leaving early, but stopping in front of those that want to stay and watch should be a ban.

Obviously, in these circumstances sarcasm at the stationary standing t055er is DEFINITELY acceptable, if not compulsory.

Please don't ban sarcasm...
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I absolutely hate people leaving early and blocking my view of the game. Interestingly it seems that Matías Viña does too because he was absolutely disgusted by the sight of people walking out just because we conceded.
 
Is this a moaning thread, good.

It's a miracle any of us get in to break the rules.

We have the most authoritarian jumped up bunch of stewards in the PL, thats for certain having sampled most grounds. The 80 year old in front of me who had to undo his coat, take off his cap, explain what was in his pockets and was subject to a search the met police or Heathrow security having set off a scanner would be proud of.

I was simmering when jobsworth started on me and was within an inch of telling him to do one because we all smuggle nasty stuff in our hoods ffs. The kid to my right who was too young to be searched and had to explain what was in his pockets - when did this come in?

Clearly they'd been tipped off someone was intent on smuggling a bit of A4 paper in.
 
red_house said:
Is this a moaning thread, good.

It's a miracle any of us get in to break the rules.

We have the most authoritarian jumped up bunch of stewards in the PL, thats for certain having sampled most grounds. The 80 year old in front of me who had to undo his coat, take off his cap, explain what was in his pockets and was subject to a search the met police or Heathrow security having set off a scanner would be proud of.

I was simmering when jobsworth started on me and was within an inch of telling him to do one because we all smuggle nasty stuff in our hoods ffs. The kid to my right who was too young to be searched and had to explain what was in his pockets - when did this come in?

Clearly they'd been tipped off someone was intent on smuggling a bit of A4 paper in.
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Trained by The Met, no doubt.
 
SlowDownDerek said:
I absolutely hate people leaving early and blocking my view of the game. Interestingly it seems that Matías Viña does too because he was absolutely disgusted by the sight of people walking out just because we conceded.
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I was wondering if anyone else noticed that. You must sit near me because we had a clear view of it. He was staring in disbelief then he started shaking his head. He looked back and did it three times. Very interesting, particularly as he came from Italy where most stadiums are a quarter empty anyway and people pile out when their team is losing giving them a barrel of abuse beforehand!
 
red_house said:
Is this a moaning thread, good.

It's a miracle any of us get in to break the rules.

We have the most authoritarian jumped up bunch of stewards in the PL, thats for certain having sampled most grounds. The 80 year old in front of me who had to undo his coat, take off his cap, explain what was in his pockets and was subject to a search the met police or Heathrow security having set off a scanner would be proud of.

I was simmering when jobsworth started on me and was within an inch of telling him to do one because we all smuggle nasty stuff in our hoods ffs. The kid to my right who was too young to be searched and had to explain what was in his pockets - when did this come in?

Clearly they'd been tipped off someone was intent on smuggling a bit of A4 paper in.
Click to expand...


YEah they seem to have zero common sense. I've turned up before with 2 kids under 10, and they've taken me aside for thorough check. I know sometimes people use famalies when smuggling drugs and stuff to lower securities guard, but at an AFCB game.

If kids aren;t with me I like saying stuff like 'just a folded homebrew AK47 in my bag, flares and hunting knife strapped to my leg'. Quite amusing the alarm on their faces when saying it totally deadpan. Was told off once saying its not appropriate to say that at security searches. My response was 'yep, if I was taking banned items into the ground I'd simply declare it when asked' - you thick f***ing tw*t :D.

Almost as amusing as when banks ask 'can we ask where the cash comes from please sir'. Oh yes, its from my Colombian import business' or people trafficking from eastern europe. As if anyone doing anything illicit is simply going to declare it at the first port of call.
 
MB1980 said:
YEah they seem to have zero common sense. I've turned up before with 2 kids under 10, and they've taken me aside for thorough check. I know sometimes people use famalies when smuggling drugs and stuff to lower securities guard, but at an AFCB game.

If kids aren;t with me I like saying stuff like 'just a folded homebrew AK47 in my bag, flares and hunting knife strapped to my leg'. Quite amusing the alarm on their faces when saying it totally deadpan. Was told off once saying its not appropriate to say that at security searches. My response was 'yep, if I was taking banned items into the ground I'd simply declare it when asked' - you thick f***ing tw*t :D.

Almost as amusing as when banks ask 'can we ask where the cash comes from please sir'. Oh yes, its from my Colombian import business' or people trafficking from eastern europe. As if anyone doing anything illicit is simply going to declare it at the first port of call.
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Talking of flares. Letting them off before a VAR check has completed…. Instant ban for me.
 
Not participating in any artificially produced atmosphere, i.e. waving beermats left on your chair for said purpose
 
Can we please ban playing that irritating Premier League "anthem" every game- a pointless and nauseating tune when the lads are lining up, preparing for their warm and genuinely enthusiastic hand shakes with the opposition. We should just replace it with a double rendition of The Killers followed by Nonny.
 
red_house said:
The 80 year old in front of me who had to undo his coat, take off his cap, explain what was in his pockets and was subject to a search the met police or Heathrow security having set off a scanner would be proud of..
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I must have had the same steward, he asked me what was in my pocket so I pulled out a particularly snotty hanky which I happily waved in his face
 
Blimey not content with all the backlash from slating players, the manager, the director or football and owner? :LOL:
 
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