When we played QPR, I used the term referee. Others chose to mention the gender. But, thanks for your comments on a game you didn't see.I didn’t see the game so I can’t comment on the ref. But I wonder why you need to use these terms? If it was a male ref would you be saying “that man ruined the game”? I don’t think so. Just say the ref was rubbish without focussing on the gender.
And BTW, That man Barry Knight also totally ruined a game.