Wednesday joke.

A real southern gentleman went to Las Vegas. Sitting in a cocktail lounge, and sipping on some bourbon, he beckoned the waitress and said quietly,
"Miss, y'all sure are a luvly, luvly lady. Can ah persuade y'all to give me a piece of ass?"
"Wow, that's the most direct proposition I've ever had!" gasped the girl.

Then she looked around the room, smiled and said, "Sure, why not? You're an attractive guy too, and it's pretty slow here right now, so why don't we just slip away up to your room?"

When they returned half an hour later, the man sat down at the same table and the waitress smiled at him and asked, "Will there be anything else?"
"Why yes, " replied the southern gentleman. "Ah sure 'preciate what y'all just did for me. It was real sweet and right neighbourly of y'all.
But where ah come from in Albama, we lack our bourbon real cold, so ah still need a piece of ass for mah drink."
 
A fat girl served me in McDonald's today. She said ' sorry about the wait'. I said ' dont worry luv , you might lose it eventually'

A young Irish lad was crying at the side of the road. A man asked him ' what's wrong?"
" Me ma is dead" the boy says
"Ah, bejesus" says the man, " do you want me to call Father O'Reilly for you?"
" No , tanks, mister" says the boy " sex is the last ting on my mind at the moment"

Snow in the forecast. The weather girl said she was expecting 8 inches tonight. I thought to myself " fat chance with a face like that"
 
Dave was excited about his new .338 rifle and decided to try bear hunting. He travelled up to Alaska, spotted a small brown bear and shot it. Soon after there was a tap on his shoulder, and he turned around to see a big black bear.
The black bear said, "That was a very bad mistake. That bear was my cousin. I'm going to give you two choices. Either I maul you to death or we have sex." After considering briefly, Dave decided to accept the latter alternative.
So the black bear had his way with Dave. Even though he felt sore for two weeks, Dave soon recovered and vowed revenge. He headed out on another trip to Alaska where he found the black bear and shot it dead. Right after, there was another tap on his shoulder. This time a huge grizzly bear stood right next to him.
The grizzly said, "That was a big mistake, Dave. That bear was my cousin and you've got two choices: Either I maul you to death or we have rough sex."
Again, Dave thought it was better to cooperate with the grizzly bear than be mauled to death. So the grizzly had his way with Dave. Although he survived, it took several months before Dave fully recovered.
Now Dave was completely outraged, so he headed back to Alaska and managed to track down the grizzly bear and shot it. He felt sweet revenge, but then, moments later, there was a tap on his shoulder.
He turned around to find giant polar bear standing there. The polar bear looked at him and said, "Admit it Dave, you don't come here for the hunting, do you?
 
A woman was in a shop with her small dog. Behind her in the queue was a woman with 15 packs of toilet rolls in her trolley. The woman behind asked what kind of dog it was. 'An assistance dog' was the reply. 'Oh what kind of assistance does it give?' It's a BLD' said the woman. 'What's a BLD?' It's a Bum Licking Dog, it cleans my bum because I can't get any toilet rolls as you've got them all!
 
siggyboy said:
Some of these are a trip back to the 70's.....and not in a good way. ( and I'm not some wokey snowflake blah blah..but really jeez)
Click to expand...
Yes you are , otherwise you wouldn’t have said that you weren’t :p

Anyway , I’ve just flown in from Vegas - and BOY are my arms tired ....
Take my mother in law , no please take her ...
 
You must log in or register to reply here.

;